Thursday, November 27, 2008

Ugh. Not a good day.

From that title, I'm sure you think I gained or something.  Nope.  My weigh in today is 182.5.  I'm down another half pound.  27 lbs total.

Here's what I don't get.  I really don't like me right now.  I don't know why.  I hate looking at pictures of myself.  I hate looking in the mirror.  I took pictures today for a friend and you can see the pain in my face.  

Granted, I've been under the weather this week, so my energy level is shot.  Here's the thing, though... I feel like I'm digging all the time for compliments from the person that I crave them from the most.  I mean, damn.  I've lost 27 lbs in the last 6 mos.   This stems from, not the fact that my husband is insensitive, but that I am not happy with me.

Those of you that have undergone this transformation - What do you do?  How do you keep your chin up?  Gah.  My chin... 

The irony is that I named this blog "Double Chin to Healthy Again" and my chin won't go away.  I am SO sad about that.  I'm so discouraged.

So today is Thanksgiving and I'm miserable.  I am thankful for my friends and family, and thankful that God provides for us day in and day out.

I just have to figure out how to be thankful for me today.  I'm struggling with that one.


...and to think, I thought I was smiling in this pic. These eyes don't hide anything.


Mary H. said...

I see the concern in your eyes, but I see a mouth that wants to grin really big and say, "hello, here I am".

I think you are still "seeing" the old you, it will take you a while to see the new you.

Leah said...

Amber, I think you look amazing, and you've put so much hard work into getting to where you are. I agree with Mary that you aren't seeing what we're seeing. It's a totally different you! :)

Hugs! Hopefully our Turkey Day feast didn't get us too off track! ;)

Just a Girl in a Port said...

You are amazing. You look amazing. Sometimes (most times) it takes the hard-headed men a long time to remark about that amazing-ness.

I want to see the happiness in those beautiful eyes again. I know it's there. Stop beating yourself up. I am proud of you, if that counts for anything.

Kristin said...

Hi - I don't know you - but I've read your blog a few times... mostly because I like the title of your blog and would like to begin such a journey of my own soon... :) And I just wanted to let you know that - from that picture - I wouldn't have even guessed you needed to be on a weight loss journey. And I certainly wouldn't have said you had more than just the one chin. :) Honestly. I mean, I don't know you - what other reason would I have to say it, right? And your legs are killer! I hope I'm as successful as you are in the near future... :) I wish you continued good luck - and I hope that you figure out how to love you - for you.