Thursday, October 30, 2008

Quickie - Weigh In 10/30

Back on the horse, and the losin's good!

Today's weigh in is an important one.  I have now lost 10% of my original body weight.  I'll post later about what that means, but I've gotta get the kids ready to get out this morning...

Today's number is 187.5!  It's a 2 lb loss from last week.

I am really hoping to be at 182 by the time Stuart comes home.  I know I can.  We're not even halfway into the patrol, so I have time to do it safely.  I'm ordering a BEAUTIFUL dress to wear to pick him up.  

Started jogging a little this week, and did 30 minutes of pilates last night.  The pilates was GREAT!  AAAAAND, I was able to do the thing where you lay flat on your back and roll up to sitting (like my technical knowledge?).  I couldn't do it before, though, and I totally did last night!  WOO HOO!

Have a great day!  

Sunday, October 26, 2008

I realized

I've been thinking since my weigh in on Thursday about the journey.  This journey.  Becoming healthier is so important to me.  Realizing that food is FOOD and doesn't have control over me, my thoughts, or life... Recognizing the magnitude of making good choices and being aware of what I'm putting in my mouth...

So much of this has NOT been about the number on the scale.  Of course, there is a big part that IS about that number.  I've been so worried about the changes and putting my energy into DOING IT that I hadn't thought about being in the 180s means to me.

When I was in high school, I weighed 165 in 10th grade.  I wore a size 8.  I was curvy, and not the stick that the cheerleaders and drill team members were.  Of course I gave myself a hard time about it.  My parents didn't have the money to buy me clothes that fit properly, so I wore ill-fitting hand me downs from my 30-something aunts, went to the Goodwill with my grandmother, or wore Chic jeans from K Mart.  (wanna talk about some MOM jeans?  EW!)  

Tenth grade was also the end of my parents' marriage.  They were separated, and in the beginning of my 11th grade year the divorce was finalized.  To say it was ugly is an understatement.  My mom started dating immediately and remarried by February.  At that point I had all ready started gaining, but I have no idea what I weighed.  Stuart was away at college, my family had fallen apart, and I was depressed.  I didn't really have friends... I had people that I spoke to in class, I was able to laugh with them in English or whatever, but I didn't have someone to hang out with, or someone to really confide in.  That's mostly my fault, but it's moot at this point.  I spent my weekends locked in my room so that I wouldn't have to see what was going on in my house.  

By the time I graduated high school, I weighed over 200 lbs.  I wore a size 16 dress to graduation.  Thinking back, I am angry that no one in my family cared enough to take me shopping for a new dress or tried to help me see some value in myself.  I had stretch marks on my lower stomach from gaining so much weight so rapidly.  I was ashamed of my body.  Ashamed of myself.  

After being out of school for 10 years, there is only one person that I've kept in touch with.  I'm not good enough at keeping in touch, but she's good about calling me every now and again and we pick up right where we left off.  M, I know you're going to read this.  I'm sorry I couldn't be a better friend then.  I didn't know how to really be a friend.  I didn't even like myself, so it was hard to know how to be a friend to someone else.  You know parts of what life was like for me as a kid, and I know you know how hard I'm working as an adult to change my future and the future of my kids from being like that.  I felt so alone, and felt like I didn't deserve - well, anything.  I am working now really hard on self-worth and taking care of me.

SO the long and longer of this is that I realized something this week:

No matter what my goal weight is, no matter what my maintenance weight number is, I am healthier right now - in a lot of ways - than in high school.  How's that for a revelation?

Even more is this:

After high school, a lot more happened, and I ended up living with my grandparents.  It's beyond being a long story.  I tried to take care of myself, and lost a lot of weight.  I was down to 172, and wearing a size 10/12.  That is what I weighed when I got married 172-175.  I am almost there.  It is within reach.  I felt SO GOOD about myself then.  

My poor body has been through so much.  All of this that's been mentioned plus having 2 kids via C-section, then having a hysterectomy at 26.  My skin is stretched and scarred, and my muscles need some strengthening and toning.  It's about time I take care of myself.  

It's about time.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Thursday Weigh In - 10/23

Weighing in today at 189.5.  Glad to still be under 190.

I have been tracking like a maniac since my husband got underway.  It is SO much easier with him gone.  I had been eating so much, and so many bad things, that this last week has been a little rough.  I had to get over the cravings for snacking all day, remember that I was bored most of the time, not hungry, and really concentrate on what I was putting in my mouth and why.

I have a lot of changes coming up soon!  I'll be starting school next month.  Can you even believe it?  I, either!  Working on some big "interweb" projects, as well.  

OH, and I got a phone call last week to ask if we were driving to TX for Thanksgiving.  For a lot of reasons, we are not.  My fabulous husband wants us to have a healthy Thanksgiving at home.  I am SO grateful for that.  I'm looking into recipes now.  The biggest challenge for me?  Sweet Potato Casserole.  Not the stuff with marshmallows on top.  I love the kind with the pecan streusel adorning the fluffy, soft, sweet potatoes.  

Since we're not going 'home', though, my sister and her husband will be coming the weekend before to visit.  This is a PRIME time for me to start working hard on toning up.  My sister, the size 4, is someone that I tend to envy.  (That's another therapy session there, though...)  It is my goal to show her what I'm made of.  I don't mean losing weight for her, I mean losing weight so that I don't feel so self-conscious and awkward around her.  

Tanoi and Barb, watch out!  I'm back on track and lookin' to lose!  :p


Thursday, October 16, 2008

Weigh in day! 10/16

Well, I can say that I'm not at the point I hoped to be at this point, but that's all right.

My weigh-in today was 189.5!  I'm SO glad to be back on track and seeing the number under 190.  

In other news, I bought a new pair of jeans at Kohl's Tuesday night.  I was so excited to see Levi's on clearance for $11.99.  Even more excited to be able to purchase a size 10!  I have one other pair of pants that are a 10, but they are a drawstring waist, so to me that doesn't really count.  Jeans, on the other hand...  I am elated.

I was out of town last week.  Thanks to those of you that checked in on me and left me words of encouragement.  It was nice to see my friends in CA again.  It was also nice to see their reaction to my physical changes.  It really reinforced to me how much work I have done, and how much I still have to do.  

My husband will be out of town soon and I'm really hoping to tone up and surprise the mess out of him when he gets home.  I'm noticing that I'm getting smaller in a lot of places, but I have no muscle tone.  I have plenty of tools around the house, but I'm not making time to use them.  I'll be working on that in the coming weeks.  

Thanks for your support, and for continuing to encourage and follow me.

Here's a question for those of you who are losing or have lost:

What kind of shirts/tops/blouses do you wear that are flattering?  I am having the hardest time finding things that look nice!  I don't like to see lumpy bumpy tummy under my shirts, and going up a size means that I swim in them.  Wearing empire waisted tops can be okay at times, but other times I look pregnant.  It's frustrating, and makes me wish that I lived in a cooler climate so I could hide under a sweater for the next few months.  

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Thursday is weigh in day!

Haven't done this faithfully lately.

Today's weigh in was 191.  I've gained 1.5 lbs since my last weigh in.  I'm not discouraged, but moving forward.

I am leaving soon for a trip out west.  I am looking forward to the break and hoping to come back refreshed.

Thanks for all of you for following me.  I will update more soon.