Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I love my husband

My husband is feeling his age, I think.  His wiry, "girlish" figure is taking more energy to maintain since he hit the big 3-0 and he's quickly approaching 31.  He is on a health kick, and I am so proud of him.  It is so nice to have him helping me choose healthy foods!  He even stood patiently as I convinced him that the Light English Muffins were a better choice than bagels.  (and they're only 1 point!) 

I am proud to say that I am more points conscious, and my breakfast this morning was a whopping 2 points, but I feel fabulous!  I had a Light English Muffin with some fat free cream cheese, as well as 2 cups of coffee.  I used to drink a little coffee with my creamer and sugar, but have changed that habit!  I only put 1 tsp of fat free creamer in a cup of coffee.  I bought the man a coffee grinder for Valentine's, so it's nice to appreciate the flavor of the coffee without drowning it in fat and calories.

I'm ready to start feeling better and taking care of myself again.  

Saturday, February 14, 2009

It's been WEEKS.

I haven't updated in a few weeks.  My weight at this point?  190.5.  I have gained 8 lbs since before the holidays.  NOT where I'm wanting to be.  I could have and SHOULD have reached my goal of 165 lbs by now.  I should be happily twitting about in a size 8, without a care in the world.  ha.

There are some things that I know are true...I do not consider them excuses, but fact.  In November, I started the battle with the doctors trying to figure out what was going on with me.  My husband has been on a patrol for a while now.  The kids were sick, I got lazy... oh, and school has taken over my life.  I didn't realize the time restraint early on, and now that I've only got 10 days to finish...Well, let's say that I'm feeling the pressure.

I have not steadily tracked my points in I can't remember when.  I did track today, however, after seeing that I had reached 190 again.  :(  UGH.  DAMMIT.  UGH.

I have still been wallowing.  I hope my "Come to Jesus" post did someone else some good, because it did nothing for me.  I am feeling that desperation that all yo-yo dieters recognize:

"If I just do (that shake diet) for a few days... Maybe a cleanse.  A cleanse... that's a good idea... It'd drop a few pounds quickly... and how bad could pooping really be for ya?"  I am looking for a quick get thin scheme, and I KNOW better.  

So right now I'm mad at myself.  I have 4 weeks until I'm getting together with my girlfriends, and I'm feeling fat and depressed.  I miss my husband.  I spent Valentine's with my boys, which could be worse... Instead of a nice dinner out I had scrambled eggs with zucchini, grape tomatoes, and a little cheese.  

I'm feeling sad, fat, and frustrated.  Because the doctor told me to stop my weights, I stopped everything.  Because I stopped counting for a few days, I stopped counting all together.  

My friend, Roni, and I were on the phone the other day, and I was 'fessing up about my weight gain and my sense of overwhelm.  She said that I needed to learn to focus on one thing at a time.  I'm trying to manage a house, keep the kids cared for, and do school - at this point more than full-time - and as a "single" mom.  Just like before, when I was living a very unhealthy life, I have put myself last.  EVERYTHING has been coming before me, and my health and weight are showing it.