Sunday, March 22, 2009

Are we normal?

There is NOTHING like the sting of your child saying something honest.  In my heart, I know he meant no harm, but it's stuck with me for about 3 weeks now.  We were getting ready to eat dinner, and the boys and the hubby were all ready seated at the table.  Out of nowhere, comes the innocent enough question, "Dad, are we normal?"

My husband looked at my 6 year old with the perplexed expression he usually has when addressing the million questions of the day, and said, "Sure, son.  I guess we are."  

This is when it happened.  

"We are, but not Mom."

"Why?  What makes Mom different?  She's just as normal as the rest of us."

"But her tummy is really big and round.  She's not normal."  *heart cracking and pieces hitting the floor*

Oh, by the way, I do realize I haven't written anything in better than a month.  I have a whole string of excuses, none of which are valid, really.  The truth is that I'm wallowing and focusing on everything and everyone BUT me.  

I went on a fabulous trip with amazing women to New Orleans.  Their food is NOT comprised of healthy choices, and well, even though I did a lot of walking, I did a fair bit of drinking, and gained 5 pounds over that weekend.  

Do you realize that since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and my doctor told me to stop doing the 30 Day Shred video, I have not worked out?  I have done a video here or there, but nothing like I was doing.  I was working out every day.  Now my tummy is really showing it.  My arms are softer.  It's not hard fat, but it's the loose skin and lack of muscle tone indicative of an inactive lifestyle.  

I am fighting with a sore neck that has been around for nearly 2 weeks now.  I see the doctor tomorrow afternoon.  I'm going to be tracking points again, and posting a chart on the refrigerator door.  I need some reminders all around that I count and that I'm good enough to take care of.  I turn 29 in less than a month.  I don't want to start my 30's having undone all the hard work I put in last year.  I want to start my 30's at a healthy weight, with no worries of seeing a BMI that says that I'm obese.  

I hope you all are doing well, and I hope I can get back on track.  I miss the motivated, happy person I was last year.  I have to find that person again.