Ugh. Not a good day.

From that title, I'm sure you think I gained or something.  Nope.  My weigh in today is 182.5.  I'm down another half pound.  27 lbs total.

Here's what I don't get.  I really don't like me right now.  I don't know why.  I hate looking at pictures of myself.  I hate looking in the mirror.  I took pictures today for a friend and you can see the pain in my face.  

Granted, I've been under the weather this week, so my energy level is shot.  Here's the thing, though... I feel like I'm digging all the time for compliments from the person that I crave them from the most.  I mean, damn.  I've lost 27 lbs in the last 6 mos.   This stems from, not the fact that my husband is insensitive, but that I am not happy with me.

Those of you that have undergone this transformation - What do you do?  How do you keep your chin up?  Gah.  My chin... 

The irony is that I named this blog "Double Chin to Healthy Again" and my chin won't go away.  I am SO sad about that.  I'm so discouraged.

So today is Thanksgiving and I'm miserable.  I am thankful for my friends and family, and thankful that God provides for us day in and day out.

I just have to figure out how to be thankful for me today.  I'm struggling with that one.

...and to think, I thought I was smiling in this pic. These eyes don't hide anything.

30 Day Shred - Official Day 1

Let's bring y'all up to speed a little bit.  Things have been going well, and I seem to have busted through the plateau that I had reached.  I have been dealing with symptoms of something that seems like fibromyalgia or some sort of chronic fatigue related issue.  I am noticing a lot of sagging and softness in my body, and realize that I need to work on toning.  I refuse to let my physical tiredness keep me down completely.  I am being smart about not pushing my limits.  I posted before about the 30 Day Shred, and skipped about 4 days with my sister here.  It's time to get going on it. 

Because of the holidays and some extenuating circumstances, I had to cancel my WW subscription, but am hoping to be able to continue to stay on track at home on my own.  It's going to be hard, and I'm going to rely on your support and nagging, if necessary.  I started the Shred again today, and took some measurements to keep track of my progress.  A very wise friend told me not to beat myself up if I start gaining a little before I lose with it.  30 days from today will be Christmas Eve.  What better gift to give myself than my own health?

From About.com, here are my measurements to track:

• Bust: Measure around the chest right at the nipple line, but don't pull the tape too tight.
  
• Chest: Measure just under your bust
  
• Waist: Measure a half-inch above your belly button or at the smallest part of your waist
  
• Hips: Place tape measure around the biggest part of your hips
  
• Thighs: Measure around the biggest part of each thigh
  
• Calves: Measure around the largest part of each calf
  
• Upper arm: Measure around the largest part of each arm above the elbow
  
• Forearm: Measure around the largest part of the arm below the elbow.
  

Bust: 42

Chest: 37

Waist: 36

Hips: 40.5

Thighs: 24.5 (right)

Calves: 16.5 (right)

Upper arm: 14.5 (right)

Forearm: 11.5 (right)

I'll track measurements on Mondays, and have Stuart measure for me.  Stay tuned!

what a week!

Let's say this week has been hectic!  Sick kids - again - and the return of my love!  I was devastated after the realization that my planned dress didn't work, and was concerned that I didn't have the funds to find something else.  I happened to find something pretty fabulous at Ross for $13~  Not too shabby!  It certainly flattered my legs!

Let's just say that the dress had the intended effect.  My husband was crazy about it, and we were so happy to be reunited after a Hellish month.  

I also started a new workout in addition to my pilates - Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred.  Oh.  Wow.  Faint of heart do NOT attempt.  It is TOUGH.  Really tough.  After the first two days, I could not bear for my children to touch my arms or legs.  It was painful.  I have no doubt that I am gaining muscle from this video, and I will be toning up and strengthening these muscles.  Since my husband will be home for a while, he's doing it with me, and I couldn't be happier.

Today's weight was 183.0.  I'm down .5 lb.  It's still a loss, but it's the smallest difference in a while.  I've got the challenges of family visiting, my son's birthday, my husband being home, and Thanksgiving staring me in the face in the coming days.  Yee Haw.

Weighing in - 11/14

Today's weight is 183.5.  I am down one pound from last week's weight.

I'm a little disappointed, but a pound is a pound, and I need to be proud of myself for continuing to lose.  I am encouraged that I have had a LOT of stress lately, but I haven't fallen off the deep end.  It would sure be easy to dive into macaroni and cheese and pizza, though.  (Hence why I have neither of those items in my home.)

I might be at 182.5 when S gets home, and that's okay.  I might be at 183.5 still when he gets home, and that's okay, too.  I'm noticing changes in my clothes again, and that's nice.

...and because you might need a laugh today, here's a little confession.  My dress that I thought fit like a dream?  Well, the reality is that I was so stoked that a 12 came in the mail and wasn't skin tight or impossible to wear, that it fit like a dream.  I couldn't quite find my waist swimming in that thing, so I bought a belt (size M, I might add).  Even with the belt things didn't feel quite right.  

I consulted Roni, my partner in this whole weight loss/healthier living thing, and she laughed her butt off at me and said that the dress was too big!  LOL!

I had no idea.  So, for your viewing pleasure, here is my too-big dress.  Now I have nothing super special to wear at the boat's homecoming, but that's all right.  I think he'll just be happy to see me.  

It's Thursday?

Man, with no school on Tuesday this week, I'm thrown completely off.

I forgot to weigh in today, so I'll get it tomorrow.  Sorry.  I'm ready for my brain to function again.  When does pregnancy brain go away?  It's been almost 3 years!  LOL!

A Saturday evening victory

I'm sitting on the sofa right now, exhausted.  Whatever is going on with my body makes my limbs feel like I have the flu or something.  I have no energy, it seems.  I'm not going to whine, even though I just typed out a miserable little ditty and erased it.  No need to dwell on not feeling well.  I have good news to report!

I believe I have mentioned this Pilates DVD before, but it certainly bears mentioning again!  What I love about this particular workout is that there are 5, 10-minute workouts that 

you can customize.  It is a RARE day that I have 50 minutes at a time to work out, but being able to choose focus areas for a 30 minute work out is so nice!  Also, it comes with 2 resistance bands, which I really prefer to free weights, especially right now.  The bands make it easier to maintain form, and I believe they are safer on my joints than trying to throw around free weights like with some of my workout DVDs.  

I try to do the Pilates for Abs section at least 3 times a week.  I have really been working on strengthening this portion of my body for a long time.  Having 4 abdominal surgeries in as many years was really tough on my abdominal wall.  My lower abdominals are pathetic.  This section is really tough, and there are parts that I just kind of pretend to be able to do.  Tonight, even though I'm feeling rough, I decided to push through and really try.  

One of the positions is lying on your back with your knees bent.  From this position you are supposed to sit up and do this.  Gracefully and in one smooth movement:

I did it!!!!  I really did it!  My abs were burning, but I did it.  I am finally gaining some strength, and I'm so proud of myself.  

Hello!

I feel like I've been MIA so long that I should re-introduce myself!

I'm still here! I'm really not sure what to say other than I'm starting back at square one. I kinda feel like I subconsciously prioritized my "battles", and this got pushed to the back of the list.
Sadly.

Anyways, I'm back and so is my drive and focus.

I want to be in a 12 by Christmas, that's my new goal. Amber's been showing me some CUUUTE clothes on these websites, and I'm dying to be able to fit in to them. Not to mention, the wardrobe I already have in my closet!

It feels like my TTC "battle", weight "battle" and all the 100 other things got too overwhelming.
I'm taking a serious break from TTC. Too much emotionally came with that journey and I need a mental breather before starting back up again.

So, right now
*weight
*purging all the crap in my house
* mental health, I'm going to ask my doctor about Zoloft - anyone know anything about it??

These are 3 things that I can do in moderation that won't overstimulate me. And, they'll benefit me in the long run. I have SO much in my house that needs to GOOOOOO. My weight needs to go down, and I need to address the anxiety I've had since moving to Mississippi that I couldn't take medication for while TTC.

This kinda got off track from being just about weight loss - I just wanted you all to know that I'm still here!!

Thursday weigh In - 11/6

I'm cutting to the chase on this one...

This week's loss is a milestone for me.  

I lost 3.0 lbs this week, and my current weight is 184.5.

I have now lost 25 lbs!  

In other news, my dress came in.  Let me tell you, to order a size 12 dress was nerve wracking for me.  I was so afraid it wouldn't fit.  Not only did it fit, but it fits beautifully.  The grey is the perfect color, and my patent red slingbacks look fantastic with it.  I know you're going to ask for pictures, but the ones I have are all crooked and I have no makeup.  My 5 year old isn't very skilled with the camera.  LOL!  I will get a pic when I wear it to go pick up my man, though.  I'm gonna be DECKED OUT.  I cannot wait.

Gotta get the big kid ready for school, and the little kid is quite fussy this morning.  I have my work cut out for me!

Oh, and I still have 2 weigh-ins before my sweetie pie comes home.  My goal was 182 before he got home, but I'm really hoping to see 180 or 180.5.  Wouldn't that be SWEET?  

What 10% Means

I achieved my 10% loss this past week, and said I'd fill you in on what that means.  Direct from WW's site:

A Healthier Heart
By losing just 10 percent of your body weight, you can lower your cholesterol and reduce your blood pressure, says G. Ken Goodrick, PhD, psychologist and associate professor of medicine at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, Texas. High cholesterol and elevated blood pressure are two major risk factors for heart disease.

Lower Risk of Type 2 Diabetes
If you're overweight, you're at increased risk for type 2 diabetes, which mea

ns your body can't make enough, or properly use, insulin, a hormone that helps convert food to usable energy. By losing just 10 percent of your body weight, you'll improve your body's ability to use the insulin it makes, possibly preventing the onset of the disease, Miller-Kovach says. If you already have type 2 diabetes, shedding that 10 percent may improve your symptoms and possibly prevent complications, she adds.

More Pep
"Just a 10 percent weight loss increases feelings of vigor and vitality," says Miller-

Kovach. "You'll feel better and have more energy."

A Mental Edge
Losing 10 percent can give you the self-confidence and motivation you need to keep going. "Success builds on success," says Miller-Kovach. But be sure you recognize it. "Losing 10 percent is a milestone in the journey," says Miller-Kovach. "Once you get there, take the time to congratulate yourself on your efforts."

Reality Check
After losing 10 percent, you gain a sense of what it will take to lose the rest and reach your final goal weight. "It gives you a context in terms of saying, 'Am I willing

 to put in that much more effort to lose even more weight?'" Miller-Kovach says. If the answer is no, that's okay. "Some people only lose 10 percent and that's it," says Goodrick. If that's you, pat yourself on the back. "Health-wise, a 10-percent weight

 loss is a great achievement," Goodrick says.

In other news, and because I cannot contain myself:

For some reason, on Friday, I wondered whether I could fit into my husband's blue jeans.  He's out of town, so I didn't have to worry about being embarrassed when I had 5 more inches to go before could pull them up.  

Little did I know, I COULD pull them up.  I then fastened and zipped them.  It wasn't pretty.  I had the muffin top from Hell.  The important thing to me was that I put those bad boys on.  My husband has a 30 inch waist.  (I know, right?  Jerk.)  In all the years that he and I have been together (It'll be 14 years in January), I have NEVER been able to pull up a 30 waist pair of mens' pants.  When I was a freshman or sophomore I think my hips just weren't right, because I had tried on some men's pants, and I know I was 20 lbs lighter then than I am now.  

I digress.  I'm rambling.  Here are the pics.  :)