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I need to have a "Come to Jesus" meeting...

...with myself.  

Stop it.  Stop wallowing.  Where's it getting you?  Not any healthier, that's for sure!  Yeah, you know what?  Lots of people don't feel well.  Lots of people don't know a diagnosis and feel like crap.  That is no excuse!  If anything, it's a reason to be taking BETTER care of yourself!  Like sneaking those handfulls of popcorn or cheese crackers doesn't count?  Who are you trying to fool?  The scale isn't fooled, and that's why you only lost a half pound this week.

Suck it up.  Yeah, he's gone for a while.  You've got stress from school.  You've bitten off more than you can chew - again.  Deal with it.  You can do it.  You can do all of this if you will apply yourself.  Hiding out, sulking, and stress eating isn't going to cut it.  It's just not.

You have seven weeks from today.  You'll see your BFF again, you'll get to meet some ladies IRL that you've befriended over the last few years.  Don't you want to be at your best?  Don't you want to be proud of yourself?  Of course you do!  Seven weeks.  You could lose up to 14 lbs in that amount of time.  Can you even imagine?  Weighing the same as 9 years ago?  

Follow the plan - the farmer market/fruit stand and the meat market.  Don't buy those carbs.  Just don't do it.  Yes, I know how good buttered spaghetti is.  You did a good job not buying a bunch of crap the last few weeks.  Just hold out.  You can do it.  Get off your ass.  It doesn't matter if you're not feeling well... stretch, go for a walk, but MOVE.  Stop letting it get the best of you.

There is no one but you that can take these steps.  This is your journey, Amber.  No one else's.  

Starting Point

Weight is 185.5 - So, this is my starting point basically.

My weigh in's are Mondays - I'm going to try my best to remember to post them :)

Surprise!

I'm still here.
I'm still kickin'.

Not... kickin' as much as Ambs though :)

She's a really good writer, and sometimes I feel like I just don't know what to say, or how to say it. Like Amber, I've fallen off the wagon. Buuuttt, I have a great new motivator, and her name is NOLA.
I'm gonna kick ass, and take names. Cause I am NOT going to be the "fat girl" in NOLA. I want to feel confident, and pretty, and ONLY wory about having a good time. Not worry that I don't look as pretty, or as thin, or as _____ as the other Chicks there. This isn't a trip to be self conscious. This is a trip to take a break from "Mommyhood" and "wifehood". A trip to feel good, and have a Fan-Freaking-Tastic good time. I determined to do that. AND, to show off my hard work to my chickies!!
Ambs and I have been looking up outfits and such, for the NOLA trip. I've got to keep remind myself that this trip is around the corner, an I've gotta make EVERY day count. And make SMART choices every day.

Goals are good!

I can write down goals a hundred times and have them posted, but it does nothing for me if I don't have a deadline looming.  A self-imposed deadline isn't really what I mean, I'm talking about a people-are-going-to-see-you kind of deadline.

You may remember last year I ordered a swim suit as a GOAL piece.  It's a size 8.  I tried it on yesterday, and it's incredible how different my body looks than this time last year.  HOWEVER, I have a good 15 lbs before that thing fits anywhere near the way it was designed.  I'm going to NOLA with some friends in March, and I have just the timeline to lose 15 lbs.  I'll be staying at a hotel with a heated, saltwater pool, and I am taking that swimsuit with me.  I'm also going to be ordering some new underwear, jammies, etc, and I'm ordering a medium instead of a large.  

As much as I love to hate Jillian and her 30 day Shred, I think with my Fibromyalgia this is not the time to do it.  We had a cold snap here last week, and I couldn't do it.  I did good to walk most days.  Last night I did 30 minutes of my Pilates video, and it was nice.  I think the Shredding that I've done has helped me to really isolate muscles, and it made my Pilates workout much more effective last night.  The Pilates feels nice and doesn't suck all my energy, plus it gives me some stretch and flexibility.  I've been losing some of that, especially in my left leg.

The handsome hubs will be underway soon, so plan on seeing some good posts from me.  It's SO much easier with him gone.  

weighing in

I've been following plan for a week today.  The good news is that it's working - it always does when I work, too!

187.0~  down 2 lbs.

Yay for making better choices.

To pat myself on the back a bit, we went to Wal Mart for a few groceries last night.  We have a lot of stressful things going on, and carbs are my weakness.  I didn't purchase a single box of mac n cheese for "Logan," nor did I pick up ice cream, candy, cookies, or cupcakes like I really wanted to.  I would have loved to drown my sorrows in about 300 grams of sugar, but I resisted.  Instead, I came home and had half a banana and a bottle of water.  :)

Healthy Again...

Let's discuss the irony of the name of this blog.  My goal last year was to really take charge of my life - my body, mind, and soul.  I have made some FABULOUS changes.  Our family got involved in a church here, which has been filling a very spacious void.  I was awarded a scholarship and started taking classes online.  Boy has that been more of a challenge than I expected.  I joined Weight Watchers and lost 27 lbs (but I've gained a few back...).  I'm seeing definition in my body from working out.  All of these things are VERY good.  

The best part of those changes is that I can see my children absorbing them.  My little guy, just shy of 3 years old, talks about snacks being "good choices" or not-so-good choices.  It warmed my heart when we went to a local chicken finger joint and he chose my cole slaw over his french fries.  Working out has become a family thing... the boys do a few minutes of The Shred with us, which is hysterical.  Chase even tries to do my pilates with me.  LOL.  Just picture that.  They are growing by leaps and bounds inside and out, and I'm so proud of the big kids they are becoming... aware of healthy choices, oblivious (or accepting, I'm not sure which) of differences in other people, and SO affectionate.

So here's the irony:  I am feeling lousy.  We've gotten another cold snap the last 2 days here, and I'm barely able to walk again.  I had ice on my car yesterday and again today.  My hips are aching like crazy.  I made the decision not to try to Shred every day.  I think my body cannot handle it right now.  From what I've read, with Fibromyalgia you should work out even when you don't feel like it, but I'm pretty sure they haven't met Jillian Michaels.  ...just going out on a limb on that one...  Pilates and more joint-friendly exercises are going to become the norm for a little while until I get this pain under control.

I guess from my physical exhaustion, pain, and fatigue, deadlines for school, and a looming patrol for the hubby, I am feeling a great deal of overwhelm.  The good thing, food choice-wise, is that it's the end of a pay period, so we're short on food - especially bad food.  Over the holidays I had a lot of fun, but I drank a lot of carbonated crap, and calories in a glass.  I know NYE is one night, and all that jazz, but it seems like the past month has been filled with rum and coke nights here and there.  Diet coke isn't diet when you add rum to it.  :p  

I'm still waiting on some lab work for my thyroid.  One doctor suspected hyperthyroid, but the rheumatologist said I'm exhibiting hypothyroid symptoms.  My thyroid is enlarged, my hair is falling out, and other misc TMI symptoms that you don't wanna know about.  

Okay, so even though I've been diagnosed with a new disease, I can still continue my quest to be healthy again.  It's just going to require another paradigm shift.  Before long I'm going to be the San Andreas fault of paradigm shifting.  Watch out, world... the big one's coming.

Weighing in. Ugh.

I had to stop WW in November.  In the last 7 weeks, I've gained 6 lbs.  Yuck.

I'm at 189 today, starting back on the momentum plan.  My daily points target is 24.  I think I'll be keeping up with the shred just for the activity points.  ;)

I didn't Shred yesterday.  I was really sore and physically and emotionally exhausted from my visit with the rheumatologist.  I got some answers and some more questions.  For now, I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, but there may be other contributing factors, and they're testing me for those.  I'll see the doctor again in a couple of weeks.  

Thanks for your support!

~A~

I'm baaaaaaaack!

Thank you, Leah!  (|:|)  (that's my little ninja face.  LOL)

I'm now signed back up for WW, and exploring the Momentum plan.  Seems a lot like flex with better focus on making healthy choices, not just the choices in your points range.  I'm so excited.  Tomorrow I'll start back up with my Thursday weigh ins.  I know I've gained, so be prepared to watch my little ticker fill back up a little.  

I am really excited to have a 5% goal to start with.  Feels kinda good to have an easily attainable goal right there.

30 Day Shred - Check in post

1-5-09:  Done!  :)  (no 5 second breaks!  WOOT!)

1-6-09:  Done.  Stuart joined me tonight.  What a difference in my endurance from a few weeks ago!

1-12-09:  Yeah... a little bit of a gap there.  I need to focus on working even when I don't feel like it... We moved up to level 2.  

Happy 2009!

Back from our trip to TX.  Let's just say that mindless eating, a lot of drinking, and a couple of cigars did NOT make for a healthy first few hours of this year.  Actually, the first few days of the year included a lot of unhealthy food choices.  This time last year, I would have said, "It was worth it -- it all tasted good!"  Now, however, I know that nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels.  (I know the quote is thin, but this is more about being healthy for me!)  My worst choice?  An avocado, stuffed with fajita chicken and melted cheese, breaded and fried.  

I haven't been able to rejoin WW online yet, and I know that's my biggest obstacle right now.  I need that accountability back.  I tried a widget for my Apple that is similar, but I can't get into it with the ease that WW online provides.  

Today begins a 30 Day Shred contest with some Coastie wives.  I'm doing it come hell or high water.  The hubby will be going on patrol soon, and I'm going to do this even with him gone.  I want him to get back and really admire my arms and, well, everything.  ;)  The contest will have a winner with most inches lost, and a winner that completed the workout all 30 days.  I'm going to check in here when I've completed my daily workout.  I think I might start doing it during the day while Chase is at school, and see if my energy is better.  We'll see...

Closing today with a picture of me and my sisters...

I came a long way in 2008, but have a ways to go still in 2009!