Thursday, October 15, 2009

Don't look at this.

Seriously. I might cry if I know someone is reading this. BUT, to stay true to my blog, I have to post it. Unfortunately, the last 6 weeks have caught up with me. I thought I was going to escape it. I thought - somehow - the stress, bad food choices, and lack of exercise weren't going to show up on the scale.

My last weigh in was 184. Boy, was I proud of the track I was on. I am devastated to reveal that today my number is 196.5. I'm almost back to 200?! My calendar, the healthy living challenge with my husband? Dust collector. I am SO mad at myself. I'm disappointed. I'm furious.

In a lot of ways in life right now, I am feeling defeated. I don't know how to make life work right now. Sure I breathe and function, and I know that's all that being alive requires, but I want LIFE. I want to seize it, take advantage of it, enjoy it. Right now, I'm not, I haven't, I don't.

I wish I had a more uplifting post for you today, but it's just not in me. All I know to say is that today is a new day. The mistakes of yesterday do NOT have power to make today full of mistakes, too. In the end, the choice is mine. In the end, it's up to me.


Milli' said...

I'm so sorry, that's all I can say. I'm battling different things now, but I feel like we're kind of in the same boat...I'm not happy now and things are catching up with me. Let's make a pact to get out of our funk! Who's with me?? :) I'm calling soon to talk about FL...

Chrissy said...

Maybe it's time to throw out that stupid scale! Or at least stomp on it a few times and let out some of the nasty potty words at it.

I know you know this, but I'ma gonna say it anyway.

That number doesn't define you. Nobody cares if the number is 196 or 596. It's the person you are. The person that is always willing to help, or talk to a friend. The hardworking, dedicated sweetheart. It's you that people see, the beautiful woman underneath all your imaginary layers of fat. We all think you're beautiful just the way you are.

You will be successful at this. It may take time. But you will. Keep your chin up and be happy with you. I think once you start believing the memo's I keep sending you about YOU, you'll start dropping the lbs quickly. :)

Amber said...

Thanks, you two. When is it, exactly, that life gets easy? I need that day to come soon.

...Or at least a sneak peek to know it's out there.