Today's weight...

Weigh in this morning is 188.  That's a loss of 3 pounds this week.  It also means that my daily points allowance went from 25 to 24.  I'm not getting as much exercise as I'd like still, but with the stress load this week, my body is NOT letting me get by with anything.

On Monday, my life went from oblivious to "you are moving this weekend," to "Oops, sorry...I'm not really sure if that's true..."  I'm leaving out a lot (obviously), but let's say that it's been a STRESSFUL week.  Not to mention that I am just about touched out with my clingy 3 year old.  I'm also waiting on my retake score from my MT final.  The good news?  I haven't turned to pasta.  The goal today is to make it through grocery shopping without bringing home mac and cheese.  I know that's a lame goal, but it is seriously my comfort food.  It is what I turn to in a moment of weakness.

Well, it's just after 8.  I need to make a grocery list, make sure I have the school supply list, and brave the crowds out and about.  I'm sure it's going to be reaaaal fun out there today.  Gotta get it done before lunchtime so I'm not tempted to grab lunch while I'm out.  After shopping with 2 kids, some salty french fries always sound good.  *snort*

Have a great day!  

Didn't think I'd do it, did you?

Okay, so I'm a couple days late, but I did weigh in on time.  I had a weird and BUSY week this week.  Many thanks to my friend, Leah, for watching the boys while I went and had blood work done. It's so nice to have support when the hubs is gone.  

My weight this week is 191.  I lost 3 lbs, and I'm really happy about it.  I'm working hard to drink enough.  I am not giving in to the urge to hit the bakery racks or buy macaroni and cheese at the store.  I had a goal to work out 4 hours/week, but that didn't work this week.  I only did 1.5 hours, but that's something.  I rearranged furniture in both the living room and my bedroom, and did a lot of things around the house related to reorganizing those rooms.  I also did some jogging and pilates.  I've been fighting some hard core fatigue, and trying to give into it to an extent.  I know that sounds odd, but I've noticed with my fibromyalgia, if I don't listen to what my body is telling me, it'll make me listen.  Stuart won't be home for more than a month still, and I can't afford to be run down and sick when I'm doing the single parent thing.

I am so hopeful that I'll reach my goal of 178 by mid-September.  As I've said before, I weighed 172 when we got married in January of 2000, and it would be so nice to be at or below that weight by our 10-year anniversary.  

Thanks in advance for your support.

~A~

So, uh, "Hi."

I know, I know.  It's been 4 months.  Really, it's been a long time since I've felt like me and felt like I was taking care of myself.  I finally reached the point where I could not cope with my fibromyalgia any longer and had to be started on a medication for it.  I also had to start a blood pressure medication.  There's a wake up call.  My blood pressure was 144/106.  Not so good.

Stress?  Well, let's say I've been maxed out.  The late spring patrol was horrible for me.  The hubby was gone, and we had Strep running rampant, along with pneumonia and allergic reactions to medication.  The patrol schedule has been 45 days out, 4 weeks in, which is not so fun.  It's hard to focus when he is home on trying to incorporate him into our routine.  Instead, everything falls by the wayside to spend time together.  He and I started doing some Wii Fit exercises together, which was nice.  It is so nice to have someone to exercise with.  

In the last couple of weeks, we had a big trip to Florida, and went to Disney World with my grandmother and sister.  I had moments of my body not wanting to cooperate, but we all had a really great time, and the summer showers kept the temperature nearly bearable.  

So enough of the past.  What's going on today?

We have entered a new patrol period, so I have time to think and work.  I have been really feeling bad about myself, bad for myself, and drowning in my pity pool.  I went to Dollar Tree this week and bought some posterboard and markers.  I have a 9 Week goal to break 180.  Though I had gotten down to 182.5 last year, I'm at 194 right now.  Yipes.  In 9 weeks, my goal is to be at 178.  That's 16 pounds, and completely reasonable.  I'm scheduled to have some more bloodwork done this next week, so hopefully things will be looking okay.

Oh...So back to my markers.  LOL!  I got sidetracked...  I hung this on my bedroom wall.  Nothing like keeping it right in my face.  I cannot get through a day without looking at it.  At the bottom of my posterboard, I listed some goals, and posted a few pictures.  My husband proposed to me again, and asked if I'd like to renew our vows.  No, no new jewelry.  We were hoping to take the honeymoon I always wanted but we never got to take on our 10 year anniversary, but we are going to postpone it closer to my 30th birthday.  That's certainly something to work toward.  He and I both want to be able to do active, fun things like hiking without me limping back.  I've got to really get these pounds off and strengthen and stretch my muscles to help with my stamina.  Oh, and I still have "the swimsuit" that I ordered last year that I've never been able to wear.  I posted the pictures of the resort we want to go to and the swimsuit on my poster.

Hopefully you'll be seeing more of me. 

Are we normal?

There is NOTHING like the sting of your child saying something honest.  In my heart, I know he meant no harm, but it's stuck with me for about 3 weeks now.  We were getting ready to eat dinner, and the boys and the hubby were all ready seated at the table.  Out of nowhere, comes the innocent enough question, "Dad, are we normal?"

My husband looked at my 6 year old with the perplexed expression he usually has when addressing the million questions of the day, and said, "Sure, son.  I guess we are."  

This is when it happened.  

"We are, but not Mom."

"Why?  What makes Mom different?  She's just as normal as the rest of us."

"But her tummy is really big and round.  She's not normal."  *heart cracking and pieces hitting the floor*

Oh, by the way, I do realize I haven't written anything in better than a month.  I have a whole string of excuses, none of which are valid, really.  The truth is that I'm wallowing and focusing on everything and everyone BUT me.  

I went on a fabulous trip with amazing women to New Orleans.  Their food is NOT comprised of healthy choices, and well, even though I did a lot of walking, I did a fair bit of drinking, and gained 5 pounds over that weekend.  

Do you realize that since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and my doctor told me to stop doing the 30 Day Shred video, I have not worked out?  I have done a video here or there, but nothing like I was doing.  I was working out every day.  Now my tummy is really showing it.  My arms are softer.  It's not hard fat, but it's the loose skin and lack of muscle tone indicative of an inactive lifestyle.  

I am fighting with a sore neck that has been around for nearly 2 weeks now.  I see the doctor tomorrow afternoon.  I'm going to be tracking points again, and posting a chart on the refrigerator door.  I need some reminders all around that I count and that I'm good enough to take care of.  I turn 29 in less than a month.  I don't want to start my 30's having undone all the hard work I put in last year.  I want to start my 30's at a healthy weight, with no worries of seeing a BMI that says that I'm obese.  

I hope you all are doing well, and I hope I can get back on track.  I miss the motivated, happy person I was last year.  I have to find that person again.  

I love my husband

My husband is feeling his age, I think.  His wiry, "girlish" figure is taking more energy to maintain since he hit the big 3-0 and he's quickly approaching 31.  He is on a health kick, and I am so proud of him.  It is so nice to have him helping me choose healthy foods!  He even stood patiently as I convinced him that the Light English Muffins were a better choice than bagels.  (and they're only 1 point!) 

I am proud to say that I am more points conscious, and my breakfast this morning was a whopping 2 points, but I feel fabulous!  I had a Light English Muffin with some fat free cream cheese, as well as 2 cups of coffee.  I used to drink a little coffee with my creamer and sugar, but have changed that habit!  I only put 1 tsp of fat free creamer in a cup of coffee.  I bought the man a coffee grinder for Valentine's, so it's nice to appreciate the flavor of the coffee without drowning it in fat and calories.

I'm ready to start feeling better and taking care of myself again.  

It's been WEEKS.

I haven't updated in a few weeks.  My weight at this point?  190.5.  I have gained 8 lbs since before the holidays.  NOT where I'm wanting to be.  I could have and SHOULD have reached my goal of 165 lbs by now.  I should be happily twitting about in a size 8, without a care in the world.  ha.

There are some things that I know are true...I do not consider them excuses, but fact.  In November, I started the battle with the doctors trying to figure out what was going on with me.  My husband has been on a patrol for a while now.  The kids were sick, I got lazy... oh, and school has taken over my life.  I didn't realize the time restraint early on, and now that I've only got 10 days to finish...Well, let's say that I'm feeling the pressure.

I have not steadily tracked my points in I can't remember when.  I did track today, however, after seeing that I had reached 190 again.  :(  UGH.  DAMMIT.  UGH.

I have still been wallowing.  I hope my "Come to Jesus" post did someone else some good, because it did nothing for me.  I am feeling that desperation that all yo-yo dieters recognize:

"If I just do (that shake diet) for a few days... Maybe a cleanse.  A cleanse... that's a good idea... It'd drop a few pounds quickly... and how bad could pooping really be for ya?"  I am looking for a quick get thin scheme, and I KNOW better.  

So right now I'm mad at myself.  I have 4 weeks until I'm getting together with my girlfriends, and I'm feeling fat and depressed.  I miss my husband.  I spent Valentine's with my boys, which could be worse... Instead of a nice dinner out I had scrambled eggs with zucchini, grape tomatoes, and a little cheese.  

I'm feeling sad, fat, and frustrated.  Because the doctor told me to stop my weights, I stopped everything.  Because I stopped counting for a few days, I stopped counting all together.  

My friend, Roni, and I were on the phone the other day, and I was 'fessing up about my weight gain and my sense of overwhelm.  She said that I needed to learn to focus on one thing at a time.  I'm trying to manage a house, keep the kids cared for, and do school - at this point more than full-time - and as a "single" mom.  Just like before, when I was living a very unhealthy life, I have put myself last.  EVERYTHING has been coming before me, and my health and weight are showing it.

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